When Your Child is Afraid

I was just a reed of a thing when I was a kid, all sinew and strength, lean muscle, no fat. I moved and climbed and ran all the time. At a backyard party when I was five, I climbed a tree fort about six feet up, and promptly jumped off. I wanted to feel what it was like to fly. I still remember the cruel ground rushing up to meet me, and the angry expulsion of every bit of air from my lungs as the soles of my feet crashed into it. I remember the backyard growing immediately silent, all eyes on me. I was embarrassed and proud at the same time.

I always wore a belt back then, cinching it up as tight as it would go, like luggage on top of a station wagon. I remember asking my mom to make extra holes in my belts so they could be even tighter. This worried her so much that she took me to the doctor to see if I could cause any permanent damage by wearing my belt so tight. When he assured my mom that I wasn’t going to rupture my spleen, I kept right on wearing that belt as tight as possible.

I wonder what I was trying to keep in? I wonder what I was trying to secure? I wonder what I was afraid would float away if I didn’t? And I wonder if my mom ever stopped worrying?

I stuttered as a kid, unable to put two words together, groping for words that got stuck deep down inside of me. I remember feeling very shy around adults, and having a very short fuse around certain kids. One time, my third grade friend Jimmy decided to steal the basketball I was using to practice foul shots alone at recess. The rage that exploded out of me was volcanic; I tackled him and cried embarrassed tears. The next thing I knew, we were in the principal’s office, and I couldn’t stop crying, while he grinned at me.

I suppose I might have cinched my belt a little tighter after that. I don’t remember telling my parents about it; I didn’t know how. I just remember feeling so very stupid for crying in front of Jimmy.

And now I have a reed of a child of my own; all muscle and strength. He doesn’t stutter, and he doesn’t wear a belt, but he’s cinching things in already. When his own raging storms rain down on us, they seem to come out of nowhere, and he doesn’t know what to do with them. And as a parent, it’s even harder to watch him go through it than I remember it feeling when I went through it.

What do you do when your child is afraid?

We hate to see our children sad, hurt, upset, not make the team, not get first chair, or experience their first betrayal from another friend. When we see them bravely walking in from the bus, having held it together all day, only to fall apart when they’re around you, our hearts can break at the same time that we feel overwhelmed and exhausted by all the drama. Their trauma becomes traumatic to us; we love them so much that we experience their pain uniquely. The membrane that separates us from our kids is very thin. Sometimes, this is good, and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it causes us to be a champion for them in ways that are helpful and healing; other times we step in to protect far too soon, squashing an opportunity for them to grow and become because of their pain.

I don’t know what to do when my child is afraid. I’m not always sure when I’m supposed to step in and relieve the pain and when I’m supposed to walk alongside them and help them work it out on their own. I’m trying to learn, but it’s so hard.

Last night, after a particularly hard emotional storm, I was helping my reed of a son do his homework. One of the assignments was to list some character traits of family members, and examples of why they picked those traits. He picked me and one of his brothers. For me, he picked loving and helpful. Under loving, the examples he picked were: He tells me he loves me; He hugs me; He listens to me.

So, parents, when you’re not sure what to do, let’s start here: Tell your child you love them. Hug them as much as you can. And listen to them.

In it together.

Source: The Actual Pastor by Steve Wiens

What God Sees When He Sees You

Your sin has been dealt with. Your Father has removed it from you "as far as the east is from the west" (Ps. 103:12). Your sins have been washed away (1 Cor. 6:11). When God looks at you he does not see your sin. He has not one condemning thought toward you (Rom. 8:1). But that's not all. You have a new heart. That's the promise of the new covenant: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws" (Ezek. 36:26 -27). There's a reason that it's called good news.

Too many Christians today are living back in the old covenant. They've had Jeremiah 17:9 drilled into them and they walk around believing my heart is deceitfully wicked. Not anymore it's not. Read the rest of the book. In Jeremiah 31:33, God announces the cure for all that: "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." I will give you a new heart. That's why Paul says in Romans 2:29, "No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit." Sin is not the deepest thing about you. You have a new heart. Did you hear me? Your heart is good.

What God sees when he sees you is the real you, the true you, the man he had in mind when he made you.

Source: Ransomed Heart Ministries by John Eldredge

Kingdom Ferocity

As Jesus steps out from behind those thirty years of almost total obscurity into the task set before him, both men and demons begin to feel his fierce intention:

He went down to Capernaum, a town in Galilee, and on the Sabbath began to teach the people. They were amazed at his teaching, because his message had authority. In the synagogue there was a man possessed by a demon, an evil spirit. He cried out at the top of his voice, “Ha! What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!” “Be quiet!” Jesus said sternly. “Come out of him!” Then the demon threw the man down before them all and came out without injuring him. All the people were amazed and said to each other, “What is this teaching? With authority and power he gives orders to evil spirits and they come out!” (Luke 4:31–36)

You cannot appreciate the difficulty of this till you’ve tried it yourself. Most of us wouldn’t walk into a dark alley if we could avoid it. Jesus walks right up to people foaming at the mouth in full-blown demonic possession and confronts the ancient spirits directly. Very intentional. Quite fierce.

Source: Ransomed Heart Ministries by John Eldredge