“Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.” Song of Songs 7:12
Many things compete with our marriages. Work competes with our marriages. Children compete with our marriages. Parents compete with our marriages. Money competes with our marriages. Hobbies compete with our marriages. Friends compete with our marriages. Volunteerism competes with our marriages. Our own selfish desires compete with our marriages. Life in general competes with our marriages.
So, it is wise to transform this competition to our marriages into a compliment to our marriages. When we make marriage a priority, the other important things that clamor for our attention become secondary and supportive. Marriage is not meant to get the leftovers of our lives. Its vitality will melt in the face of neglect. Yet, if we are intentional with our marriage appointments, it will flourish with freshness and energy.
Indeed, something in our life becomes a priority when it is recognized and embraced by our calendar. A marriage void of calendared appointments is a candidate for indifference with intimacy. Husbands and wives need focused and quantity time with each other. Quality time flows out of quantity time, and is a consequence of a distraction-less environment. Cell phones are silenced, and there is a cease-fire from interruptions. There is a 'fast' from e-mail, so there can be focus on friendship. Co-existing does not create intimacy in marriage, but intentionality toward intimacy does.
Therefore, make an appointment to love your spouse. Pull out your calendars and create a time for just the two of you. The best gift you can give to your children, next to faith in God, is a healthy marriage. Make an appointment for emotional love. Make an appointment for physical love. And make an appointment for relational love. Emotional love may be unfiltered listening and learning about the fears and fantasies of the other. Make your spouse feel secure by being trustworthy and respectful. Listen intently to their struggles and disappointments. Emotional love thrives on unconditional care and concern.
Secondly, facilitate physical love. Fatigue and busyness are twin tyrants looming over physical love. However, you can dethrone these tyrants with focused time. Romance one another with a date night. Dress up and smell good, as if it were a grand occasion. Woo each other with the fire and excitement of your youth. Yes, physical intimacy needs to be planned and prepared, and any spontaneous rendezvous becomes dessert to your dates.
Lastly, regularly rejuvenate relational love as your spouse’s best friend. Enjoy a hobby together. Read a book together. Watch a movie together. Love on each other with written notes and acts of service. It may even be working on a project around the house or planning the finances. Make relational deposits in your marriage and your bank account of intimacy will increase. Above all else, make an appointment to love God, and be loved by God. Your spouse will love you better if they love Jesus more than they love you. Have you made reservations yet?
Transformational Living
How can I create a romantic environment my spouse would love and appreciate?
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My thoughts!
Marriage is not meant to get the leftovers of our lives. This is so true! Mel and I just last night had an amazing talk about this very topic! It takes work. It's not like were carefree 19 and 20 years old anymore. We're not 30 somethings with 2 amazing boys. Now, We have to pull out the calendar and create a time for just the two of us. And spending time chatting the budget on a Saturday night is a date! Man how the times have change and I wouldn't go back for anything.
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